WELL I NEVER!

A man limped into the,'Smallies'. He had bandages on his head, tubes coming from various orifices and his arm in a sling. He asked Les for a double Scotch, which he knocked straight back. He ordered another, knocked it back and ordered another. Finally, he said to Les: 'I shouldn't be drinking Scotch with what I've got.' 'Why, what the ~~~~~~ have you got?' Les inquired. '37 pence,' said the man.

A brain and a jump lead go into a pub and order some drinks. The barman says, "I'm not serving you two!" "Why?" asks the brain. The barman replies, "Because you are out of your skull and he's bound to start something."