The following was written by a yachtsman with a motor cruiser who sailed from Whitby, where the race station is on the side of the cliff, the race marks are given letters of the alphabet and no radio is used.
Picture the scene – a yachtsman of mature years is asked to take part in a Whitby Sailing Week race. Chosen obviously for his accumulated knowledge and skills (?!?) he is invited to crew for one of the top winning boats in the club. As a long time cruising man, he accepts, in order to experience the white heat of modern navigation technology and the latest in racing strategies.
The boat, alcoholic in name if not nature, shall remain anonymous, the mature crew likewise. For this report we turn to aircraft investigation techniques and listen to what the voice recorder tells us.
Mature yachtsman, after digesting everything about spinnaker poles, cunninghams, slides, lifts and coffee asks 'What about safety?'
'Ah yes, well, the life jackets are in this locker under the seat in the corner, but we don't use them. The flares are in the aft locker under all the fenders and ropes, below where you're sitting. Here's the radio, I think this is where it's switched on. We have Decca but we don't use that either and there's a hand held GPS somewhere.'
We cast off. 'Why isn't the bridge opening?'
'I don't know, the book says 11.45'
'Well, ask someone then.'
'He says 12 o'clock, typical isn't it?'
'Why can't he look where he's going?'
We leave the harbour. 'What course are we sailing? It looks like an 8 but I can't see without my glasses. We'll have to go close inshore to read the number.'
'No, it's a 3 - where's the book?'
'I've got it, I’m writing it down on the back of my hand'
'Well, what is it then?'
'ASCBDADACBD'
'Are you sure?'
'Yes I think so.'
'Six minutes to go, do you want 3 minutes out and 3 back?'
'No, just hang around the line - why are all the other boats starting?'
'Maybe the lights are faulty - no look, they're on again, shall we go for the line?'
'Not yet. Right - go go go!'
Mature yachts man -'What course do we steer?'
'Oh, we don't bother with compass courses, we usually aim over there.'
'Where's the hitch mark?'
Oh, you can't see it, it's round here somewhere'
'Why have all those boats tacked for that buoy?'
'We'd better tack and follow them - ready about'
'Why haven't they gone round it? Was that C or S?'
'If it was C then where's B? Someone said they were close together'
'Look, Applecore's gone round a buoy, he must be able to see it'
'That must be C, B must be close by then'
'No, it isn't, look, he's coming back this way.'
'It must be B then, so where's C?'
'Stand by for gybe'
'Sorry about that folks, where's the buoy?'
'Right underneath us'
'Right, round again, stand by for gybe. Gybe ho (Mature y man disappears to
the cockpit floor) 'Did we miss it that time?'
'Yes, you can get up, best we head for that last buoy, leave it to starboard'
'Then what?'
Back to Sandsend'
'Why has Nigel gone straight on?'
'He's probably sailed the wrong course.'
'But he usually knows what he's doing, I wouldn't like to argue with him.'
'That must be C then, oh look, there's a buoy over there!'
'Yes, well that must be S then, we were right to start with, we should have gone straight to Sandsend without putting in that tack. They ought to have names on.'
'Best you keep well clear of the bellboy before gybing, we don't want that under us as well. Getting a bit lumpy isn't it? Gybe Ho'
'That was better, this surfing's great'
'Don't like the look of the harbour entrance, where do we go next?'
'Stand on a bit then back to the bellboy - Christ, that was a big one!
'Don't fancy doing all that again.'
'No skin off my nose if we pack it in, at my age I've nothing to prove'
'Me too,' -- 'And me'
'Ok, head into wind and off with the genny.'
'Radio says they’re timing the race on the first lap only, that's a pity, we would have won if we'd done that last leg'
'Now they tell us!'
'I think you should take the boat through the entrance. If it's going to be bent, the owner should do the bending'
The boat returns to the moorings and crew proceeds to exchange stories of high seas and great daring. Race officer comes along and says all we needed to do was stay afloat and we would have won. Mature y man realises why he took up cruising, eats his sandwich, thanks the skipper and returns to his 'caravan.' “Ann Hope”